When Santa asks, “Have you been naughty or nice?”
A Cat Scout can answer without thinking twice.
Because he lives life in the service of others;
He treats every fellow cat like they were brothers.
A hooligan, though, will tell Santa a lie
And when asked if he’s naughty will not bat an eye.
He’ll say, “I’m a stellar example of good
Although sometimes my actions are misunderstood.”
Now Cat Scouts know hooligans’ words are baloney
They lie and they cheat and they act really phoney.
Why, only last week they stole Scout Andy’s sash,
Ran Tim’s pants up the flagpole and stole petty cash.
They tried to get Pete H to smoke catnip doobies,
And paw through Cat Fancy to see girlcats’ boobies.
But Santa is smart for he sees their deceits
And he knows when they bully by ‘gramming or tweets.
He knows scouts like Teddy put scoundrels to shame
And a Cat Scout’s done every good deed you can name.
He’s got a long list of the scouts who’ve been nicest,
And a much longer one of each hooligan’s vices.
So if you’ve been worried that Santa won’t think
That you’ve been good enough, well, he’ll give you a wink
And he’ll ask you if you’ve been a rascally scamp,
But he knows that you earned no demerits in camp.
So don’t worry! You’ve earned every badge on your sash
And you’ve done your good purrs and helped out in a flash.
If you were a scalliwag Scouts would expel you–
But of course, you know this and I don’t have to tell you.
And Santa knows, too. Rest assured, he’s omniscient,
And all the good deeds that you do are sufficient
To earn you the gifts that you’ve craved for a year.
So relax and delight in today’s Christmas cheer.